||[Apr. 3rd, 2006|06:17 pm]
I'm tired of drama, i though all the drama in my life may have been behind me, my mom is doign real well. Laurien is real happy now, and excited abotu her wedding, my dad isnt even that pissed off anymore.He has even smiled a bit the last couple of days. I have been enjoying work kinda the last few weeks. I have been total relaxed, and really happy, ive been enjoying life. Nothign has really been getting me down. There Kristen and Kerri too, their awesome as shit. I love hanging out with them, its always a good time. Kristen tho is alot of the reason ive bene happy tho, she is awesome as shit, she is my twin, shes just like me, she understands everything im saying and she is never serious liek me, she likes to always joke around, and thats what im looking for.She is everythign that i want, but idk if i can relaly explain what it is i feel for her. Im just very comfortable, i can be me..
Of course tho happiness can never last and drama and other stuff always has to peak its head out at the worst time.Me and Bridget idk how to explain it, but things just arent good, she is always crying and idk what to do, i dont have feelings for her anymore, but it hurts her when i say that, there is nothign i can do tho, i really just wanna be friends but idk if that is even possible. I hurt her to much and there isnt anything i can do about it. It not her it is me, i think we are truely better off as friend,and nothign is gonan change my feelings. I still care abotu her alot, it isnt that i wnat her out of my life, but i have moved on, ive accepted that our relationship wasnt a good one and neither of us we're happy. I thinks he needs to forget me and not talk to me, im an asshole for the way im acting now, and maybe i have moved ona bit quicker then any1 could have expected but i cnat help that, i found some1 and somethings that have filled the void i had in my life for a while. Im sorry Bridget that i hurt you so much...
Mom-mom has breast cancer, i know i shouldn't really freak out becuz they caught it early and with modern technology she should be fine but i cant help but worry.You hear the word cancer and you immediately associate it with the word death. Im trying to stay calm, and not let it get to me but i its just a little hard, but i know i have support from other ppl.
I just want everyone and everythign to be happy, some people that are upset and hurt dont deserve to be, i wish i could help, but sometimes there just isnt anything u can do.
This weekend was a good,just like the last 2 weekends. Friday nigth i went out with Kristen. We went to Applebees and there i met the love of my life...Orb, she was so sexy and had that incredible laugh..hahah just kiding. I had a good time til i fell off the curb, but kristen save dmy life. We went to the movies after that, to see The Hills HAve Eyes, it didnt start tile almost 10 so we walked to target and some scary ass lady came out of nowhere and asked us for money, i gave her a dollar. After that we walked to Best Buy walked around and did nothing, then went back to the movies... we got to the theater liek 20 mins b4 it started, and just talked, i had seen the movie already but the whole time i was watchign Kristen and not the movie, i couldn't take my eyes off of her, after that we took a cab back to her house and i went home after i walked her to the door.Sat. night we went to a party at Brians house, idk it was at his house tho, so i didnt feel so werid when we got there. it was an ok time, i dont relaly remeber much i had a few drinks and i smoked hahahaha but i chilled with Kristen and we talked and hung out, neitehr of us was really thrilled to be there, so we made our own fun by making fun of ppl there...haha. We left there at liek 3;30 and came back to my house, kerri and Kristen stayed over, and me and kristen didnt get to sleep til liek 7;30 hahaha, we all woke up at liek 3;30 then went to the dinner, basicaly wasted the day, but oh well. Me and bridget chiile dfor a lttle bit last nigth but she started to cry and left, i kinda felt liek an asshole cuz i didnt say anythgin when she left but i didnt know what to do, maybe she shouldnt talk to me anymore.I know it hurts her when she hears abotu me and kristen, but im sry i cant do anything about that.
I'm tired of being an asshole tho...i just wanna be happy, and thats all im thinkign abotu rigth now, im sry if i hurt ppl or offend ppl in the process but if their really my friend they'll have to understand that i wnat to ppl happy and they should let me do what i wnat.